WHAT GOES AROUND - MIGHT MAKE SENSE ? REMIX REALITY

Not long ago a longtime close friend of mine exploded in a fit of rage that had been building for some time. With a minor provocation he launched into a detailed dismantling of our friendship based on the premise that I was a "know it all" and "unable to accept criticism". Of course, this was very painful and unexpected. This close friend was someone whom I trusted fully not to lightly judge me, and someone who I was completely unselfconscious around. The wound is still fresh and the scar will remain. This event began me thinking about how it is that I was accused of being a "know it all" when, in fact, I can never remember having a truly original thought? Yes, that's true-never! I tried to explain at the time of this traumatic assault that I only wanted to share my experiences of life with others so that they might find some value within these stories. Of course, I am not free of pride, and possibly that was the offense?
Now I know for some of you sharing the thought that I have never had an original thought would seem embarrassing. Or, at the least, a taboo confession. However, I confess this,and assert the truth of this from my experience.
My first career was as a journalist. Actually, I aspired to be a journalist, but later realized that I had other interests and moved on from a job at the New York Times to my own short term as publisher of my own small newspaper. This was very uneventful and unsuccessful,I must add. My interest in journalism came from an insatiable thirst for information. Later on this thirst became a thirst for knowledge. At that point I began my journey of the heart, and traveled, meditated, chanted,read,etc. One day while sitting quietly slightly bored and wondering how I was going to entertain myself for the rest of the day I began to take count of my teachers (mundane and sacred), sources of knowledge, books,friends,music, beliefs, influences,etc. This amalgam of ideas I have been fortunate to explore I recognized as the raw ingredients of my intellect. At that moment I realized that all the ideas that I claim as mine are a profound mixture of all these influences. So, in this moment of insight and, I should add, subtle crisis, where was the original, individual thought? Where was my original contribution? Certainly this journey of life was not for nothing? What was the value of experience? Our ability to communicate is not all the wiser by being silent as some seem to believe. One teacher of mine used to say that 'the fool is revealed when he speaks, and that is why these rascals remain silent to fool others'. So how do we find value and originality in our friendships,family, community, nations, etc?
This quest became my passion. Where is the original thought, the original creativity? In the arts the expression is through the medium, and yet still the actual product is confined by rules or tangible (metal,stone,oil,etc.) limits. Music, another art, expresses through tradition,notation,instruments,cultural patterns,etc. So where is the original thought?
Finally, after much anxiety and observation a light began to shine within my mind. The nature of original thought is expressed by an "inspired impulse". It is a rich recipe of raw materials from many sources, but brewed through the agency of an "inspired impulse". Sometimes this is seen as a narrative voice, a painting, sculpture,musical innovation,a variety of mediums. What makes these thoughts or expressions fresh, and seemingly original is the "impulse" that generates the idea. The saying that there is "nothing new under the sun" is somewhat shallow and simplistic. What is new under the sun is the "inspired impulse" that moves the individual to tell a story, create a work of art or music, love the unloved, build kingdoms,create iphones, etc. That "inspired impulse" is the mystery. That is what we all try to give to others. Sometimes successfully and sometimes not successfully. This is also the abode of the lesson. Even very successful people will tell you of many lessons they learned after having an "inspired impulse". In many ways these stories of success mirror the seemingly unsuccessful stories of other individuals. I.E."failure is the pillar of success".
Although, sadly I have let down my good friend by my bad creative storytelling,"unbecoming behavior", and apparently made a fool of myself among our mutual friends I have again encountered that mysterious "inspired impulse". Once again my inner teacher keeps 'kicking my ass' until I get it right. Will I ever learn is the greater question? We will see because that is the road on this adventure !